


March: boys in skirts, girls in skirts, diamonds are a troll's best friends

by RainofLittleFishes



Series: Twelve Verses [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts But They Still Find Ways to Over-complicate Things, Humor, Kink Meme, March Eridan, March Karkat, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 08:04:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3521693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainofLittleFishes/pseuds/RainofLittleFishes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two diamonds have a heart-to-heart over their third diamond, fashion, the many uses of fashion, and the need for clear communication and well-engineered undergarments. </p><p>Features Karkat in a plaid pleated skirt, Eridan elsewhere in a flapper dress, and Kanaya, still entirely dressed and mostly self-composed. For a request for more than just Eridan in a skirt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	March: boys in skirts, girls in skirts, diamonds are a troll's best friends

“Kanaya, you’re not fooling anyone.” You have the self-control to at least wait for the door to shut behind a hideous vision of clashing fabric on his way to the triple mirrors in her sleeping block before you impart this pearl of wisdom to the troll kneeling at your feet.

“Oh?”

This is less precisely intoned than is usual for your diamond. One of your diamonds. No one who thinks they know Kanaya has yet failed to be surprised when they find out she has two pathetic trolls in her diamond. You’re not sure how much she gets back for all the work she does, but being so susceptible to self-hating muties and self-important whiny fishtrolls that swan about in capes is probably indicative of mental health problems, so there’s that. You’re co-dependent. It’s like a life sentence, but with less culling or handcuffs. Post-SBURB-Alternearth is a sad baby barkbeast of a confused world.

Anyhow, it’s half mumble because she has a mouthful of pins.

You cross your arms and try not to look in the mirror as she taps your hip and points. You turn a quarter turn and tilt your head up to avoid seeing your reflection.

“Rose would never wear purple with a sequin and lamé embroidered jade sash belt,” you tell the ceiling. “Rose doesn’t care for lamé in any shade. Rose has never rouged her knees and dressed as a flapbeast. Flapper. Whatever. Kanaya. My star. My glow worm. My sassy pale dame. Eridan has no hips or waist, he’s as straight as a planed plank. Why did you give him a dress with a drop waist instead of something cinched?”

“How Very Fashion Conscious You Have So Suddenly Become, Mr. Vantas. To What Do We Owe This Grand Development?” You don’t know how your saner (mostly) moirail manages to Project Her Capitals. Just because you type in ALL CAPS doesn’t mean you speak in them. Does she really have to carry out her quirk so far? It makes you grind your teeth a little, still staring at the ceiling. Reflected in the mirror before you is a ridiculous runty warmblood in a crop top and a half-finished pleated skirt. That’s why you’re not looking. She taps you again and you turn another quarter turn. You’re far enough along past the mirror side that you look back down, sneak a peak under your arm before she pinches you behind the knee to remind you to straighten up. Ow. She’s got the pins back in her wrist cushion and is finishing up.

“I Really Do Not Know From What Basis These Accusations Arise, Karkat. You And Jade Are Of Like Measurements In The Lower Torso And It Really Is Quite Important For The Plaid Pleated Skirt to Fall Precisely Two Inches Above The Knees. Now, Disrobe Carefully, I Do Not Wish For Any Of The Pins To Fall Loose.”

“All I’m saying is that you don’t have to use Rose as an excuse, ‘Oh Dear, I Seam To Have Misremembered My Matesprit’s Favored Mode Of Dress, Eridan, _You Shall Simply Have To Keep The Extraneous Garment_.’” You cough, because falsetto is embarrassing and that sounded exactly nothing like Kanaya.

You start to ease your way out of the skirt and stab yourself something like five times and curse twice before Kanaya deigns to assist you. Maybe you should have waited to criticize her. Fuck that, like you’ve ever taken the easy way when ten miles of cratered towpath called your name. _Karkat. Karkat Vantas. Come be stupid with us Karkat. All the stupid. Heaps of stupid. John Egbertian levels of stupid._ You wrestle free of the tenacious embrace of plaid without losing any pins, or lodging them in any unfortunate places. It is a minor win, but you’ll take what you can get. You hand the thorny beast to Kanaya.

“Are You Upset Because I Told Him It Was For Rose And Will Later Find It Inappropriate Or Because This Skirt Is In Truth For Jade And Not For You?”

“Yes!”

“I Feel That We Have Failed To Communicate.”

“Yes, you can make Eridan stuff and not lie that you did all that work accidentally. Tell him you made it for him. You’re selling the both of you short if you can’t admit that you did it to make him happy. And yes, because you hate gray so why would I ask you to make something that offends you?”

This confession comes while you stand in nothing but the stupid purple crop top and your gray unmentionables, and my isn’t that a charming metaphor for being naked to your moirail’s regard. You hop foot to foot because the skirt was short, but you’re suddenly feeling a lot colder. Kanaya’s blocking your access to your clothes. In fact, she’s sitting on them. _No, Kanaya, that is not how you pile._

“Karkat, I Would Be Pleased To Make You Something, Even If It Were In Gray. But Perhaps You Might Be Persuaded To Try Black. There Is A Sleeveless Piece That I Have Been Meaning To Try. It Would Be Most Impressive With Your Musculature And Perhaps A Dramatic Neckline. Eridan Would Also Be Most Pleased To Provide You With The Appropriate Adornments.”

You stop for a moment, because that wasn’t exactly what you were getting at, but what the heck, it feels nice to feel pretty once in a while and _that’s_ a rare enough feeling not in any way akin to feeling ridiculous, cold, and exposed. You’re tempted, but is it just like the temptation to rubberneck at other people’s disasters, a sort of ‘wow how much of a mess can it be?’. Toss caution to the windy thing, you can return the jewelry to Eridan after, you wouldn’t have to owe him. You shrug in a highly decisive and positive manner.

“Karkat, How I Am To Make Eridan A Gift Without Dissembling If We Cannot Admit To One Another What We Desire?”

“Yes, Kanaya, I want you to make me feel pretty.” You roll your eyes. “Can I have my clothes back?”

“No, You May Not. I Still Require Your Assistance.” She reaches out to another stack of fabric, one of approximately five dozen according to your very modest estimate, this studio would be awesome for piles _if every single stack was not in fact booby-trapped with pins_ , and she proffers you another plaid skirt.

“This One Is For You And I Still Require Your Patience.” You recoil before you can help yourself. The previous skirt was blue and green plaid. This plaid is mostly red and yellow. It is nothing short of hideous. It has achieved new and heretofore unplumbed depths of hideous. It could possibly have killed the Carbuncle and made bagpipes from her body.

“Jade Has Requested Matching Outfits For Your Next Date With Sollux. It Will, She Asserts, ‘Blow His Mind. For Science.’ Do You Have A Worthwhile Objection At This Point In The Space-Time Continuum Or Are You Done Being A Drama Queen?”

Le sigh. The things you do for your matesprits.

“Do I have to wear a crop top?”

“It Is The Traditional Method Of The Naughty School Girl, But I Can Allow You To Choose Your Color. Jade Has Chosen Red With Matching Stockings To The Thigh. Would Blue Suffice?”

“Yeah, sure, let’s be as perverted as possible and invite the hoofbeast fetishist. How do the stockings stay up even, legs don’t work like that.”

This was evidently one sarcastic line too far for Kanaya’s temperance. Her eyes light with an unholy inferno of glee as she roots into another pile. You limber up your wrist behind your back, not that the mirror isn’t betraying you, just in case you need to pap her down.

“Karkat Vantas. My Pleasantly Toasty Flame Of Rage. Let Me Introduce You To Your Friend The Garter Belt.”


End file.
